Great question! I will be more than happy to discuss comparitive theology and how it relates to the migratory habits of the Western swallow during mild hurricane seasons.
Ah, another one of those touchy subjects that requires understanding. The above is simple by comparison. It isn't always an easy subject to talk about, but it is also one that is shied away from in churches far too often, and as such imperils the family of God. Well, offhand, I'd say the first step is to learn the difference between submissiveness and obedience. They are 2 very different words. My wife is submissive, but I guarantee you if I start barking orders, she ain't gonna be obedient. Second of all, your husband is the one held responsible for the course of the family. My wife calls submissiveness the art of ducking so God can hit me. One of the key misconceptions is that it is the husband's right to rule the house. Well, nothing could be further from actuality than this mindset. It is not his right, but his responsibility; one that cannot be tossed aside, even though unfortunately many men do abdicate this role. God will still judge them even if they are not an active part of the family. As far as in the church, ultimately there is no female or male in Christ. The first evangelists were a pair of women. There are roles women share in the church, and in some cases are uniquely qualified to lead....
IF they submit themselves to a male senior pastor. As the husband is responsible for the course in the family, the pastor is responsible for the part of the church family they serve. The reason for the male requirement for the pastor is how can a female pastor be held responsible to God if she is first trying to follow the lead of her husband? And if she isn't following the lead of her husband, how can she follow God's lead? God's going to hold someone accountable for each church body, so that person needs to be the right target. I actually wrote a couple of quick notes on these last year; so at the risk of being shot, drawn and quartered, and a few other equally pleasant things....
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December 1, 2008: The submissive wife.
This week, I’d like to focus on the family, both the nuclear and the spiritual. The goal here is not to fire up debate, but to help us grow. Why do I say I don’t want this to be a fiery debate? Because here are some of the most heated words in the Bible. Ephesians 5:22-24; “
Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife as also Christ is head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Now as the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”
Submit. There is one of the most loaded words in scripture. Many marriages and families have gotten into serious trouble over this word, and the reason why is they fail to understand the meaning of the word. Once you grasp what submission is about, you begin to realize it is about a position of both great responsibility and authority. It is a position of honor. It is not a position of slavery, but one of co-ownership. It is NOT obedience. Children are commanded to obey, wives to submit. Here’s an analogy that I hope will help.
Welcome to the Navy. You are now the Executive Officer (XO) aboard the USS Family. The captain has received the orders. He has some idea on how to carry them out, but there are other options he might not see. Therefore he talks with his XO (you) and it is the job of the XO to bring up other ideas and plan for contingencies. After a bit of discussion, the captain and XO usually agree on a course of action, and the best way to carry it out. On the ship, it usually falls to the XO to make sure the orders are carried out. Every once in a while, the captain and the XO disagree. The captain still gives the order. It is not the XO’s job in this case to push her plan, as this would be mutiny. It is the XO’s job to do the best to follow the captain’s orders, and make sure his orders are followed. Why? In case of a court-martial, it is the captain’s tail that is on the line, not yours.
Yes ladies, many times you are right while us husbands err. Occasionally, us men can be right, too. You see things and try to warn us, as is your duty. Do not stop in doing this. But once the captain gives the order, help him to the best of your ability. Submission is the art of ducking so God can smack your husband into shape. Remember, God holds the husband responsible for the course of the family, not you. By the way, if you didn’t like the XO comparison, here’s a verse for you. “
She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.” Proverbs 31:27a. This is part of the description of the ideal wife, as the men will find out tomorrow…
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And from a few days later... The Submissive Husband
And its time again for Q&A with… wait a second. Did you say the submissive husband?Yes I did. Got your attention, didn’t it?
Phew. It was just an attention getter. So, you didn’t really mean it.Yes I did. If you look right before the verse that talks about wives submitting, there is one that says we are to submit to each other in the love of Christ. Wives and husbands are co-laborers in Christ, and therefore should submit to each other.
But I thought we were the leaders?Yes, but in the example of Christ. Look at this example from Mark 10:45. “
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.”
But what happened to me being captain of the ship? You know, like the analogy you gave to the women? I am master of my domain, right?You’ve never actually been captain of a ship, have you? A captain follows orders from the Commander in Chief. Then the captain has to work with the XO to make sure everything happens. One of your jobs is to make sure the XO has everything she needs to do her job right.
It sounds like the XO actually is the one in charge?Well, lets take a look at what a good XO is and does. First of all, your XO is trusted completely, and she rewards you with kindness. She acquires the uniforms, gets provisions, rises before the captain to operate the galley; she determines what is beneficial to the ship, and helps fund the ships operations; sometimes by cost control, sometimes by direct funding. She watches the ship at night while the captain rests, and helps other ships so that the entire navy is strong. She is responsible for conditions during inclement weather, and is full of wisdom. Seems to me like she runs a tight ship for you.
Do you really expect me to believe all that?Its in Proverbs 31:10-31. I suggest you read it.
Well, what is my job then?Well, your job is to make the best decisions possible. After all, you are actually the one in charge. Therefore you need to listen to the wisdom of your wife, err… XO. You will find you and her agree on a great many things. Also, the sailing will be a lot smoother if you work together. The trick is to make as many decisions as possible together.
So what happens if we don’t agree?Well, you’re the captain.
Now you’re talking!Captain goes down with the ship.
Err…..There will be times when you and your wife don’t agree. The better analogy here is who’s handling the nuclear football. Imagine what would happen in a time of crisis and both the President and Vice President had their fingers on the trigger. There could be chaos if they don’t agree. There has to be one person with their finger on the trigger, and therefore responsible for the decisions. Remember, not pressing the trigger is a decision too, so choose well. Now the question is how you determine which way you will actually decide. In order to make the best decision possible, you should follow Christ’s example.
Sounds pretty vague. Do you have a more specific way?How about while Jesus was praying to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. “
My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.” (Matthew 26:39) When it comes time to make a decision, you need to take yourself out of the picture and do what is best, first for the Kingdom, then for your family. You need to be ready to sacrifice yourself for your family. As found in Ephesians 5:25, “
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”
So if I want to watch football and my wife wants to watch cooking…You put up with Paula Dean and rub your wife’s feet during the show, yes. Jesus did wash the feet of His disciples. Anyway, you’ll learn more about your wife this way. Also, you’ll find she might start watching football with you. After all, a good wife wants to make her husband happy. Remember Proverbs?
This doesn’t sound like the role I signed up for. So, if she does it all, and I just set the course and have only the final say on the orders, what reward is there for me?Hey, the captain gets the glory, even though it is the crew that does the work. If everything runs smoothly on your ship, you get all the credit for it. But keep in mind. It is not your right to be captain of the ship; it is your responsibility. You will ultimately be held responsible for everything that happens in your family; for good or for naught. It is a responsibility that cannot be shed. Even if you abandon ship or turn over command to the XO (neither of which are Biblical) you will still ultimately be judged by the way the family turns out. Your job is simply put, leadership; and it is leadership by example. Make yourself a servant to your family, and to the Kingdom work. Make decisions that are wise, and if sometimes need to be, sacrificial. Show your children how to live, and provide your wife with the tools and support she needs to help your ship run smooth. And most important; love your wife the way Jesus loved you. He loved you with an unconditional love so great He died for you no matter how long the list of shortcomings was. Don’t look at your wife’s shortcomings, love her anyway completely and totally. And like Jesus helps us become the best we can be for His kingdom, we are to help our wives in that manner too.
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I hope these reposts help...
In His service
Brian